Marrying for the Right Reasons
A summary of Chapter Three from Five Pillars of a Happy Muslim Home — exploring the sacred purposes, divine wisdom, and transformative intentions behind Islamic marriage.
The Five Primary Objectives of Marriage
Marriage in Islam is a sacred institution established to fulfill profound, multifaceted objectives. When couples align their intentions with these divine purposes, they are more likely to be blessed with enduring commitment and marital stability — strengthening society's collective fabric.
These five objectives address the comprehensive needs of individuals and society, ensuring that marriage preserves morality, fosters love, and enhances human flourishing.
Building Purpose-Driven Marriages
Islamic legislation is a revealed address ordained by Allah for His servants, intended to draw them closer to Him through worship and obedience. Marriage in Islamic law seeks to draw spouses closer to Allah by fulfilling His commands, nurturing gratitude for His blessings, and freeing one's time for worship.
"And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, those are signs for people who give thought." — Qur'an 30:21
Al-Sa'dī (d. 1376 AH) explains that through the spouse, one finds enjoyment, pleasure, the benefit of children, and a sense of peace and repose — and that there is rarely any bond comparable to the affection and mercy between spouses. Affection and mercy are from Allah, while estrangement is from Satan.
The Role of Intention in Marital Success
Habits Become Worship
Some of the Salaf said: "For the wise, their habits are acts of worship, while for the foolish, their acts of worship are mere habits."
With sincere intention, even ordinary marital acts — intimacy, providing for one's family, raising children — become acts of worship rewarded by Allah.
The Prophet's Guidance ﷺ
The Prophet ﷺ said: "In the act of one of you fulfilling his desires, there is charity." When asked how, he replied: "Do you not see that if he were to fulfill it unlawfully, he would bear a sin? Why do you count the unlawful but not the lawful?"
Ibn ʿUthaymīn explained: "If a man refrains from the unlawful by sufficing himself with the lawful, he will be rewarded for this self-restraint."
Imam al-Shāṭibī explains that aligning one's intentions with the collective objectives of marriage contributes to its viability and longevity. Practices that undermine these purposes — such as temporary marriage (mutʿah) or taḥlīl — directly oppose the Sharīʿah's emphasis on lasting marital ties.
Pillar 1: Safeguarding Chastity & Moral Virtue
Maintaining chastity through lawful marital relations is fundamental to safeguarding one's faith. The Prophet ﷺ said: "Three are entitled to Allah's help: the slave seeking freedom who intends to pay his dues, the one seeking marriage for chastity, and the one striving in the path of Allah."
Half of One's Religion
The Prophet ﷺ said: "When the slave marries, he has completed half of the religion." Scholars explain the two halves as safeguarding chastity and safeguarding the tongue.
Intimacy as Worship
Al-Nawawī states: "Intimacy becomes an act of worship if one intends by it to fulfill the wife's right, to seek righteous offspring, to guard oneself, or to guard the wife from looking at the unlawful."
Privacy is Sacred
The Prophet ﷺ warned: "Indeed, among the worst of people before Allah on the Day of Judgment is a man who is intimate with his wife and then divulges her secrets." Such matters are a trust that must be kept confidential.
Marriage is far more than physical attraction. Muḥammad Amān al-Jāmī warns that those who assume marriage's purpose is merely pleasure have led many young people into moral degradation — "akin to the lives of animals upon whom no obligations are placed."
Pillar 2: Child-Bearing & Raising Righteous Offspring
Allah says: "O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women." The Prophet ﷺ said: "Marry loving, fertile women, for I will boast of your numbers before the nations."
A Lasting Legacy
The Prophet ﷺ said: "When a person dies, his acts come to an end, except for three: recurring charity, knowledge by which people benefit, or a pious child who prays for him."
Children immortalize a man's legacy, strengthen his support, and increase the number of Muslims who worship Allah and spread justice across the land.
Joint Responsibility
Both spouses must recognize their distinct and equally important roles in raising children. When both cooperate, the shared responsibility becomes easier to bear. If one neglects their duty, the other is left to shoulder the entire burden — leading to harm and dysfunction.
Ibn al-Jawzī said: "If one seeks marriage to have children, this is the ultimate goal in worship."
"And those who believe and whose offspring follow them in faith, We will reunite them with their offspring and will not diminish their deeds whatsoever." — Qur'an 52:21
Pillar 3: Cooperative Companionship
Garments for Each Other
Allah says: "They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." Ibn ʿAbbās explained: "They are a source of peace and comfort for you, just as you are for them." The term "garment" implies permanence — for an entire lifetime.
The Natural Balance of Roles
The husband works outside the home, earning income to provide for his wife and children. The wife manages the household, nurtures the family, and maintains the home as a place of comfort. Shaykh Aal Bassām states: "The woman's role within the home is vital, no less significant than the man's role outside."
Mutual Encouragement in Faith
The Prophet ﷺ said: "May Allah have mercy on a man who wakes up at night and prays, then wakes his wife, and she prays. May Allah have mercy on a woman who wakes up at night and prays, then wakes her husband, and he prays."
The overarching rule governing marriage: "Marriage is founded on graciousness, forgiveness, and the absence of contention, while trade is based on haggling and exacting terms."
Earning Lawfully & Providing for One's Family
Earning lawful income is one of the most excellent means of preserving one's faith and is crucial for establishing a successful marriage. The Salaf considered earning ḥalāl wealth and supporting one's family heroism and a great form of jihād in Allah's path.
1st
Priority in Spending
The Prophet ﷺ: "The greatest reward is the dinar you spend on your family."
3
Forms of Neglect
Failing to earn; earning through impermissible means; withholding what one earns from dependents.
∞
Ongoing Reward
Every lawful expenditure on one's family — food, drink, clothing — is a source of ongoing good deeds before Allah.
Sufyān al-Thawrī said: "Adhere to the work of the noble: earning from what is lawful and spending on your dependents." ʿAbd Allāh ibn al-Mubārak said: "Nothing from virtue, not even striving in the way of Allah, equals the effort of providing for one's dependents."
Pillar 4: Strengthening Community
Marriage creates new relationships between spouses and their families, fostering ties that align with Allah's innate guidance for human society. Allah says: "It is He who created from water a human being and made him a creature of lineage and marriage."
Kinship Ties
The Prophet ﷺ said: "The most swiftly rewarded act of obedience is maintaining ties of kinship. No household maintains kinship ties and then finds itself in need." Ibn Khaldūn explains that the benefit of lineage lies solely in the bond it creates — mutual support and solidarity.
Uniting Tribes & Nations
The Prophet ﷺ married into the families of Abū Bakr and ʿUmar to strengthen ties. His marriage to Juwayriyyah led to the emancipation of one hundred families who then embraced Islam — ʿĀʾishah said: "I do not know of any woman who was a greater source of blessing to her people than her."
Enriching Social Relations
Marriage enriches social relations by encouraging participation in shared joys and sorrows. The Prophet ﷺ said: "Exchange gifts, and you will love one another." Good companionship with a spouse includes maintaining strong ties with their family and honoring their relatives.
Pillar 5: Commitment & Longevity
Marriage in Islam is legislated to foster deep commitment and ensure the sanctity and longevity of the institution. Islam prioritizes permanence, starting with carefully selecting a spouse based on faith and good character — qualities that strengthen over time, unlike wealth, beauty, or social standing.
These principles are embedded throughout Islamic teachings. The Prophet ﷺ said: "The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family." He also advised: "A believing man should not despise a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her traits, he will be pleased with another."
Islam Discourages Divorce
"The most detestable of permissible things to Allah is divorce." To prevent dissolution, Islam commands kind treatment even in discord, legislates reconciliation efforts, and requires a waiting period before finalization.
Reconciliation First
The Qur'an legislates: "And if you fear splitting between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them." Settlement between spouses is always best.
The Danger of Courtship Without Commitment
The quality of a relationship is shaped by its foundation. Many romantic relationships are built on pretenses — deception, superficial attraction, and illusion. Shaykh al-Hilālī recounts a couple in Bonn who lived harmoniously for twenty years before marriage, only to divorce within a single year after formalizing their union.
"While engaged, both the man and the woman conceal their true natures and adopt behaviors that are not their own out of flattery, fearing rejection. Once the marriage is finalized, the pretense vanishes, revealing hidden traits — leading to alienation, disputes, and divorce." — Shaykh al-Hilālī
Love of Desire
Love driven purely by desire fades once fulfilled. Many who passionately pursued marriage lost interest shortly after — their love was merely one of desire, which faded once their yearning was satisfied.
Enduring Spousal Love
If the beloved possesses compatible character and virtues, love strengthens over time. True love requires beauty in both appearance and essence — and flourishes within lawful marriage.
The Islamic Way
Islam permits looking at a potential spouse before marriage to ensure attraction and longevity. The Prophet ﷺ said: "Go and look at her, for it is more likely to foster love and harmony between you."
Aligning With the Five Core Objectives
Ibn al-Qayyim explains: "Success through divine guidance (tawfīq) is Allah's will to do with His servant what will benefit the servant, making him capable of doing what pleases Him, desiring it, loving it, and preferring it over other things."
01
Safeguard Chastity
Protect yourself and your spouse from immorality through lawful intimacy, lowering the gaze, and guarding the tongue.
02
Raise Righteous Children
Commit to being righteous role models. Both spouses must cooperate in nurturing the next generation of Muslims.
03
Build Loving Companionship
Treat each other with graciousness, forgiveness, and mutual respect. Be garments for one another — a source of peace and comfort.
04
Strengthen Community Ties
Honor your in-laws, maintain kinship bonds, and use marriage to expand social connections and foster unity.
05
Commit for the Long Term
Choose a spouse based on faith and character. Persevere through difficulties. Seek reconciliation before separation.
By aligning one's desires with these divine purposes, marriage becomes a pathway to spiritual growth, social harmony, and lasting happiness — a sacred and transformative union aligned with the overarching principles of Islamic law.